Life companions

Why and how do we meet people? Have you ever wondered about this?

Beside the people who are part of your family or those who lived close by the place at which you were born, if you look at the people who make up your circle of friends today, you will find that they were random strangers at some point in your live. But at another point they were so close to you that you breathed what they breathed, lived what they lived and shared with them the most intimate thoughts of yours. At this point, you most probably thought that life could not be lived without them. Yet, this moment will fade; they will sail into the horizon and will mingle with the unknown; a full circle will almost be closed; they will no longer be random strangers, but they will be definitely strangers. And You, sitting on the bank of your river, watching the stream of your life passes by, asking yourself “why did they come to my life and why did they leave it?”

If you are like me, your life took you over many lands, cities, countries, and faces, this cycle must have happened to you many times. Some of the people you will miss terribly for many years, some of them you cry in your dreams because you have got the honor to meet them in your life, and some will be easier to forget, but no matter what the emotion you carry for these people, you still don’t get an answer to the question “why did we meet?”

Richard Bach, another one of my favorite authors, said “people are in your life for a reason, but what you do with them is up to you”. This sentence says a lot but tells us nothing about the particular people in our lives. It does not tell me what I shall do with the people in my life, or how I could cope with the losses I keep enduring, of loved ones whose laughter, at one point in my life was everything I wanted to hear. If I am a sincere person, and I am, I give a piece of my heart to every human who touches my life. That part dies with that person departing from my life, how am I supposed to keep on living if this keeps happening to me? Richard Bach, with all respect to your wisdom, but you are not helping me here.

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Warriors of the light

Paulo Coelho is one of my favorite authors; he writes stories describing human growth as happening to people from all walks of life and starting from varied different points in their stories. He calls these people “Warriors of Light”, because they use whatever is happening to them as a mean to transcend their situation and achieve a higher vintage point for the soul.

The word “warrior” could be off putting to many people, it used to be the case with me, because the word denotes fighting and struggling maybe even against an enemy which is ethereal and intangible. And we don’t want to feel that life is a struggle, because it is not, or that we have to fight for anything, because we don’t have to. So many of us end up not wanting to associate ourselves with being warriors, just because of the negative connotations of the word.

It took me years to understand what is really meant by being a warrior; it has nothing to do with fights or struggle, but by a certain style of life in which you choose to do or act in a certain way that brings the best out of every situation you live. For example, in a situation where someone does you some harm, you might want to choose loving this person and seeing why he has done this to you instead of hating him. Even if you are not able to love that person at all or you are not able to see the reason for his action, the choice of not hating him is a strong and powerful decision in itself. 

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The dark side of the force

I knew that it is only a matter of time before I am asked this question “there is this person I am in love with, but s/he does not feel the same way about me. Can I create a program to change her/him?” I don’t know if the program would work or not, but I can assure you one thing, you would live to regret doing that. This will be literally “stepping to the dark side of the force” which is about controlling and manipulating others. This type of action has been called bad names since the beginning of human history, and in no way that is what I am teaching here.

Let me try to distinguish what we are trying to do here from manipulation or controlling others. I am about the power of the knowledge that our life is merely a reflection of the way we belief about ourselves and our lives. By changing the way we perceive, our live and our surroundings also change (read the harpist). The key is in our perception, which is a result of our beliefs, and we work to change the way WE believe. The world is nothing but a mirror reflecting what is inside us. If we step in the direction of trying to change the way someone else reacts towards us, we will be in effect trying to change the reflection not what has been reflected. It is a big step in the wrong direction, because in the first case we do acknowledge that ‘we are the world’ and by perfecting ourselves we will create a perfect world for ourselves. In the second case, our focus will be on coercion, manipulation and control of our fellow humans, and we will discover, when it is too late, that all this negative energy has been directed towards ourselves. After all we are all one.

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The finger pointed out

In the year 2003 I came across the wonderful book “Sacred Contracts” by Caroline Myss. It was hard to miss that book then if you are into spirituality in any way, because it was on New York Times Bestseller list during that time. Myss took Jung’s archetypes concepts and merged them with astrology and produced a wonderful work that explores the archetypal patterns that are governing your life. It is almost impossible to overestimate the positive effect this book had on my life and the understanding of its meaning, as the work I did with this book then still shed light on the archetypal energy I encounter today.

Through the book, I learned that the Victim archetype is a constant in every human’s repertoire. By mapping the archetypes to different astrological houses, you discover the area of your life that each archetype plays a major role in. For me, the victim was related to the house of Aquarius, which represents my relationship to the world; and according to the book, this is where most of the people find their Victim archetype. Every archetype has a negative and a positive aspect; someone who is acting out of the Victim’s negative aspect (when it is located in Aquarius) will feel that the world is against him, and he would feel victimised by the world and everyone. When anything bad happens to that person, he will be ready to point the finger out blaming someone/something for the misfortune that had befallen him. On the other hand, a person who acts out of the positive aspect of that archetype, will feel empowered and in control. I used to be of the earlier type; I was serious, heavy, and trying to control what I can control of my circumstances because, simply, I did not trust the world to deliver what I want.

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The Harpist

A few of the people who read this blog/site wrote to me that they feel uneasy on reading my description of the reader as god/creator! Even the unreligious ones experienced this unease; the religious ones told me that they have felt a shiver through their spines. Well, that is strong reaction to the word.

I feel that this is because of misinterpretation of what I mean by the word creator/god. Most people will understand the word in a context of a supreme deity who has created everything de novo. I never claimed that anyone creates everything in a de novo fashion, but the ego/thinking mind creates the life experience every human lives. And for all practical purposes, this is equal to creator/god of YOUR life experience. 

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Shifting gears, it is a matetr of focus II

So the woman in my latest post has started to wish for new qualities in her partner that do not exist in her husband. She is no longer enchanted by what she used to love in him, and this change of heart is creating new desires. As she feeds these desires, they have to materialize in her life sooner or later, and for this to happen, the man in her life has to go and be replaced by another who has the qualities she wishes for. This woman does not believe in herself or in her power of creation; she thinks that she is just day dreaming while she keeps living with a man she no longer interested in.

One day, she is shocked to see her life unravelling in front of her eyes. The power of her thoughts is clearing the old away to create a space for the new. Taking by “surprise” and overwhelmed by what is happening, she would never believe that she has created this. She feels disempowered and helpless. If she succumbs to this feeling and to the negative thoughts that are swarming in her head, the situation can go into a tailspin and move from bad to worse. But the truth is, she can turn the situation around in whatever direction she pleases if she extracts herself from the negativity of the situation, and clear her mind.

To gain control of the situation, she first needs to realize and acknowledge that she has created what she is experiencing. She had a silent wish to change the relationship she was in, and now it is happening, maybe not in the way she was hoping it will be, but that is only because she didn’t believe that she can create at will. What she is living at the moment is a point of confronting her fears (we can also call these “conflicting thoughts”), which kept her in an unsatisfactory relationship. These could be financial fears because she does not believe that she can survive on her own, or related to herself image, maybe she feel that she is too old to be desirable, or she doesn’t want to be alone, etc. Whatever her dominant beliefs about herself and her life are, these will be the factors she will have to face when change happens. Acknowledging that all what she observes is a creation of her programming and her thought process is a must, because only then she would realize that if she has created this situation, she can create anything else instead.

Most of us consider daydreaming as a safe and easy way to fantasize about whatever we wish for, after all, these thoughts have been confined to our heads and we didn’t take any course of action to make them true. The leap between mere thoughts and objective reality is too great for many to believe that they are linked. When faced with a situation in concrete reality, it is hard to trace the origin of that situation to thoughts they had. But if we look closely at any situation we are facing, we will see that every element of that situation conforms to what we believe about the nature of that situation. If the woman is arguing that this is the case because this IS the nature of life, then she is not getting the point, and she does not yet believe that she is a creator in her life.

After acknowledging that she is the creator of that situation, she is now taking responsibility of her life’s direction. She needs to be clear about what she wants; the last thing in the world she wants to do is to create opposing desires in her mind, which would only translate into an open conflict in her life. So she has to spend some time focusing on what she really wants. Did she lose all connections to her husband and she wants to move on, or does she want to save her marriage and reignite the spark they once had. These questions are not moral questions; there is no one choice that is better than the other. All she needs to do is to make a decision one way or the other, and make this her focal point of creation. The only caveat she needs to remember is that fear-based decisions don’t usually lead to the best of outcomes.

Whatever path she chooses to follow, she had to commit herself to it fully. If she decides to stay in her marriage, no matter what is going on in her “reality”, she has to keep focusing on the positive parts on the marriage, maybe she finds out that despite all his “quirks”, her husband is still a great man. She has to bring the reasons that she cherish in her marriage into her focus; she should only think of all the good things that make her marriage a good one, focus on the best qualities of her husband and remember the good times they have spent together. As long as she can keep her mind focused on the positive aspects on her marriage, and imagine how she wants to see it happily going forward, she will find that the bad situation that engulfed her is gradually dissipating and her life not only going back to normal, but being happier than it was before. She should keep a watch out for any conflicting thoughts that creeps into her mind, or better still use the method to reprogram her mind to see only the positive and create from it.

On the other hand, if she decides to move on and realize her dreams with someone else. She should let go of the old relationship without conflict; she should only focus on the positive in her head, and not let the fears on the unknown takes over. What appears frightening now, she will soon find out that it is never as bad as she have imagined it as long as she keeps her mind positive. Creating a program for herself and staying positive, even if it requires just watching comedies, will bring her to where she want to go.


* To learn more about this program and how to change your life using it visit I See Light.

Shifting gears, it is a matter of focus

One of the hardest points to accept in the notion that you completely create your life is when you are going through difficult times. People will quickly retort “I would have never put myself in this situation if I am creating my life”.

This is a very common statement that applies to a wide range of situations that certainly happened in everyone’s life at some point or another. The problem is when you create your life without awareness, you don’t know what you are creating, and sometimes you are presented with a monster.

As I take cues from life, recently I have witnessed situations when “bad”, “unexpected” things happened to good people, so I want to focus this post on the type of situations I call: Facing Change.

Who among us did not live a situation when she felt that her life is crumbling around her, spinning out of control and the sands of change is sweeping across her familiar landscape? She is totally confused and does not know where her life is heading. I think it is totally safe to assume that this happened to all of us in one way or another. It could have happened in a relationship when you suddenly found yourself in quicksand, maybe even facing divorce or unknown future. It could have happened at the workplace being laid off and facing financial uncertainty; or it could be any other situation when the familiar s changing so rapidly that you get dizzy and don’t know where to go.

For a person who is going through the stress of such a situation, the last thing she wants to hear is that she created it herself, and that she is in control of what is going on, as well as the outcome. But if we trace the initiation of thought that have led to that situation, we will be able to see why she “suddenly” found herself in a situation not to her liking. We will also explore how she can remain in control of what is going on at all times.

The principles of how we create our lives are simple; they progress from observation to desire, and then creation. As we live our lives, we observe what is going around us and we make judgments about everything and everyone. These judgments can be either positive or negative and vary in severity based on the emotional reaction the observed person/subject evokes in us. As we keep observing the same people/subjects our judgments accumulate and turn into strong opinions about them. If these opinions are positive, we find ourselves happy about who/what we observe and wanting more of the same. But if these opinions are not positive, we find ourselves unhappy and wanting to change, or see something different in what we observe. Not only that, but we also create an idea about what we would like to observe instead. And this idea that has been created in our mind needs and has to materialize in our life, but it cannot happen as long as we are living in the old, now undesired, creation. So the only way for the new to come in, is for the old to go away.

Let’s make this idea more concrete by putting it in a real life context. A woman starts a new relationship; she is very happy and excited about this man because she sees in him a lot of what she has wished for in a man. She is only focused on these desired qualities and does not see any faults in him; all his “quirks” are invisible to her. The two are happy, get married and live happily for a few years. As time passes by and the demands of life occupy a lot of their time, when they are tired they cannot focus anymore solely on the positive aspects of each other; she starts to be irritated by his “quirks”. She also started to observe certain qualities in others that she wishes her husband posses. Some of her colleagues are more charming, or maybe more attuned to her feelings; and maybe her sister’s husband is more involved in the house chorus or more appreciative of his wife. She starts to desire these qualities in her man as well and an image, of the man she wishes to be married to, is created in her mind which does not correspond to the image of the man she is actually married to; and there a crack in her creation has happened.

At some point, the focus on what is in her mind will be stronger than her focus on what she already has, and because creation follows what you focus upon the new image wants to be materialized. This will happen in one of two ways, generally speaking; either the woman believes in herself and knows that she creates her own reality and takes steps to live the life that she desires and deserves. Or she does not believe in herself and thinks that she is a leaf in the wind who has no power on the direction of her life and the only thing she can do is to keep dreaming. One day this later friend of ours will wake up to find the ground moving under her feet. She finds out that the marriage she wanted, for a long time, to change is now on the line in a completely shocking, surprising and unexpected way. Maybe her husband has decided to leave her, or maybe he ran away with her best friend, or any dramatic scenario of the infinite numbers of way we see marriages end with, which are in the end controlled by what she expects of both him and herself. Now she stands in the middle of this not knowing what has hit her or how it did happen. She feels disempowered and not in control.

To be continued …..

* To learn more about this program and how to change your life using it visit I See Light.